31 October 2009

Loss and Absence

I've not posted here for some time; in fact, my posts have decreased markedly since December 2008. The reason for this: my beloved, who was treated for colorectal cancer in 2003, suffered a resurgence of the disease late last summer. The doctors were optimistic about treatment, at the time, for it seemed that only a single vertebrae was affected. In December, however, we learned that the disease had metastasized into his brain, lungs, and pelvic bone.

He had a hard year: two courses of radiation and chemo. But he fought and he maintained an incredibly optimistic perspective. At least, he tried to do so when around others. He struggled with depression (and wouldn't you?), and he told me several times that he was too tired, too distanced from his "normal" self, for the fight to end well.

In early September, he was diagnosed with pneumonia. He underwent three courses of antibiotics, but he didn't improve. His pain only increased.

He went into hospital on 11 October. He entered a coma on the following Thursday. He departed this life on Wednesday, 21 October.

All I can say, really, is that I loved him dearly, he loved me dearly, and I was lucky--very fortunate indeed--to have spent the past ten years with him.